This part of the site is dedicated to the idiotic, moronic, and just plain depraved. The free agency period of 2008, in which Josh Brown left the Seahawks despite being offered a deal that would have made him the highest paid kicker in the league, only to choose the St. Louis Rams instead, inspired this addition. The idea is being borrowed from one of my favorite all time blogs, Dodgerblues. If this makes you laugh, make sure you check it out sometime
June 28th, 2008... Matt Millen~~ Wow. You would almost have to assume that Matt Millen is bullet proof right? This guy has put together probably the worst record of any GM in history, but he still has a job. Almost all of his top draft picks are off the team, but he still has a job. This year, he took a different strategy. Rather than getting guys who stink (they may), he went for players in trouble with the law. This week, the Lions first round pick, Gosder Cherilus, was put on probation for a year and the second rounder, Jordan Dizon, was found to have been arrested mere days before the draft. Something the Lions may or may not have known about. Either Millen is an evil genius who is playing with fire, trying to prove he is made of kevlar, or he is the biggest ASSCLOWN to have ever graced this page. Maybe both!
6/23/08... Don Imus-- Seriously, Do we have to do this all over again Don? If you haven't heard, he insinuated that the Pacman Jones skin color has something to do with the number of times he has ended up in trouble with the law. And we wasn't suggesting the police are ethnically profiling either. What a freakin' tool. Is this really what your life has come to? You have to make off color, racist remarks just so that we remember you exist. Please, just go away and never come back...ASSCLOWN!
06/16/2008 Javon Walker-- Oh. My. God. You have to be kidding me right. Here is why you don't overpay disgruntled players. Javon Walker was found unconcious on a Las Vegas street. He had been seen earlier in the night spraying people down with the FIFTEEN bottles of Dom he had splurged for. He did have a fracture in his orbital bone, which nobody seems to know where it came from just yet. That will be like the gift that keeps on giving for Al Davis. NFL Players and Las Vegas, it is like a dream come true. Especially if you like to note the newest ASSCLOWN. Here is to you Javon and Al, and ASSCLOWN match made in heaven/Oakland. Enjoy the Dom Raider Nation!
06/07/08 Cedric Benson... Believe it or not, this picture is his mug shot. What kind of loser smiles like that in his mug shot. Oh yeah, the kind who gets arrested for boating under the influence and claims police brutality. The kind of guy who gets arrested for DUI in the same city a month later. The same guy who kicked down the wrong persons door looking for his big screen plasma. This is now four arrests in Texas. Maybe he should just stay in Chicago, I mean the Bears are in camp. No reason to fly home to Texas to get your swerve on Ced. Actually now, there is probably no reason to fly back, ASSCLOWN. You have a problem. Well actually two. First, you can't hack it as a running back, and two every time you get drunk you end up in jail. Maybe it is time to make some changes ASSCLOWN! Ya Dink'?
6/05/08 Marshawn Lynch. Right now you are showing an unbelievable level of turdness Marshawn. Look, keeping quiet may keep you or one of your boys from getting pinched this week, but eventually it will happen. And guess what? By then, everybody in the state of NY will know you stonewalled the police for weeks. Guess what a jury will think of you....GUILTY. Personally, I hope you stay strong and get an obstruction of justice charge. Last I checked that can get you suspended. Lynch on the sidelines, Hawks roll Bills week one....ASSCLOWN!
5/30/08 Bruce Allen and the Tampa Bay Bucs....You resigned Jerramy Stevens. One, he sucks, Two he sucks really bad, and Three, he is likely to bring property values in your entire city down simply by living there. Assclown! Assclown! Assclown! Assclown! Assclown! Assclown! Assclown! Assclown! Assclown! Assclown! Assclown! Assclown! Assclown! Assclown! Assclown! Assclown! Assclown! Assclown! Assclown! Assclown! Assclown! Assclown! Assclown! Assclown! Assclown! Assclown! Assclown! Assclown! Assclown! Assclown! Assclown! Assclown! Assclown!Assclown! Assclown! Wait... Wait..... Assclown!
May 27, 2008... Bill Bavasi. OK, this just had to be done. I have gone from a HUGE baseball fan early in my life to not even being able to watch anymore. Part of the reason is you Bill. I worked for the Mariners for several years of my life, and now every time I turn on a game I throw up in my mouth a little bit. It is one thing to have the intelligence of a tin can, and the incompetence of mentally disabled raccoon, but did I see you blame the players this weekend? Oh man. Please, just disappear. How do you still have a job, Assclown? Please resign and admit you are horrible person who has ruined a beloved franchise. Freaking Assclown!
5/20/08--Mike Florio-- Normally I wouldn't make someone an assclown for just having an opinion, or even an anti-Seahawk bias, but Florio, you are just kind of a clown anyway. And since the readers get what the readers want, you sir are an ASSCLOWN!! The freakin Rams.... how did that work out for you?
5/15/08 WAL MART-- This news coming out of Houston. Andre Johnson tried to strike a deal with the devil. Johnson purchased several hundred bicycles from Wal Mart to give away to under-privileged kids. As part of the deal, Wal-Mart was supposed to supply water and ice for Johnson's event. Because Andre didn't end up buying the original 750 bikes he asked for, Wal-Mart stiffed him on the water and ice. Does Wal-Mart ever get any good press. All I ever hear is Wal-Mart screwing people. Whether it be a pro football player trying to do good in his community, or even their own employees. This is my chance to say this and I am not passing it up. I am sick of this crap. Do you ASSCLOWNS know how to read a balance sheet. You make money hand over fist. For ONCE!, just ONCE! do the right thing before the media gets on to you. Wal-Mart Sucks! Assclowns!
5/10/08--The Robinsons-- Well, well well, look at what he have here. No sooner than poor Koren found himself out of work, it would appear his brother has found the same. Unfortunately his work was a hare on the illegal side of things and he probably won't be home for Christmas this year. Tariq has been arrested for trafficking extacy. Not holding, trafficking. Now normally I would say hey Koren is not his brother. However, I remember a time back in the early 2000's when there were rumors floating around about a certain butterfingered receiver and his affection for taking party drugs before games to enhance the experience...allegedly. Hmmmmmmmm maybe they weren't so far fetched after all. Anyway, can't these ASSCLOWNS just go away! I bet Koren signs in Oakland before the weekend is through. They love Assclowns!
5/4/08.. Fred Davis. Fred my man, big mistake today. It was your third day of work... for A PROFESSIONAL FOOTBALL TEAM!! You can't oversleep. I think I used that excuse for a job once when I was 17. What is the deal? Alarm clock 101 wasn't one of the courses athletes take at SC? Maybe you can go back to school and get a graduate degree in wake up calls. Please tell me there is more to this story. You don't exactly have a stellar rep for making it places on time. You got suspended as a freshman at SC when you showed up after the holidays late. Like two days late! You are pro. Pizza guys get fired for less. Be on time....ASSCLOWN!
4/28/2008--Tony Siragusa-- You are the loser of Seahawk Addicts worst football personality poll. You are a big fat obnoxious loser who wouldn't know a championship football team is they beat you down in a back alley. Fox thinks your funny. Fox is wrong. In fact, they just called, they were trying to figure out what you did with the draft day buffet. Please, go into seculsion and leave football talk to those will talent. You. Are. A. Big. Giant. Freaking monster of an ASSCLOWN!!
4/27/08--Mavin Lewis-- You have to be kidding me, right? How can this even happen. off all the teams, in all the world, it is the Bengals who use a draft pick to take one of the biggest character risks in the whole draft, Jason Shirley of Fresno St. Shirley was suspended multiple times last year. He has multiple DUI's too. And now he is a Bengal. Maybe I am actually side with Chad Johnson soon. No wonder everybody wants out. It is turd city! Mavin, do you even care about that city, that franchise, or that team. Way to take embarrassment to the next level. The one question you should NEVER EVER have to answer again, is why did you draft a criminal. Anyway... Look out Ohio, courtesy of Assclown, Marvin Lewis, you have yourselves a new resident, and my guess is that he ain't gonna be a model citizen.
Jerry Jones 4/23/08-- Oh Jerry you have done it again. Brilliant move my man! You have acquired previous Assclown, and all time nominee, Pac Man Jones. Great! The best part is that you don't even know if he will play, but you tossed a fourth to Tennessee anyway. Not only did they get a fourth, but now citizens and strippers alike in Nashville are safer tonight. However, you, sir, have added the third giant turd to your team in as many years. At some point it going to be too much. I think that you are now obligated by fate to trade up and get Darren McFadden. That way, when PacMan goes to a strip club, McFadden can get arrested protecting his homie, and then Terrel Owens can start crying on spot, saying don't take them, their my teammates. All this while Tony Romo is on the phone trying to explain to Jessica Simpson what he was doing at a strip club with these AssClowns! Not only are they Assclowns, but this should be a reality tv show for heavens sake!
Tennesse Titans 4/16/08- Wow twice in a row that an entire team makes it. Well... to be fair it wasn't the entire team, but i don't have the names. According to this report in the Nashville Tennesean, somebody has copped to selling high quality hydroponic pot to a whole bunch of Titans. Now I am not going to harsh on anybodies gig for using a little hippie lettuce, I don't, but it isn't a huge deal. So why are the Titans here? Well, the dealer is also copping to pinching seven grams out of all the Titans bags. Whats up guys? You are all supposed to be tough guys and from the streets? You trying to tell me you can't spot a short ounce. I am disappointed in you. Obviously you know how to get around NFL mandated tests. I would think you would make sure you are getting your moneys worth. Especially since you were paying a freaking grand for your pot! 1ooo bucks an ounce! I guess times have changed. What stays the same, is that when you deal with low-lifes, they eventually rat you out, and then....You become Assclowns!
Cleveland Brown 4/13/08-- Please, could somebody tell me what the heck is going on in Cleveland. Is the air toxic or something. Joe Jurevicius had his knee scoped recently and unfortunately for Joe, he got a staph infection. Normally this would just be a shame, however, with the Browns, it is a way of life. This is the 6th staph infection in recent years suffered by Browns players. Can they not get a real doctor to move to Cleveland? What is going on. These guys get staph infections like under-performing combine invitees come up with parasites. If I were Kellen Winslow I would get I my motorcycle and high tail it out of town He gets a knee surgery every other week. I wouldn't go back to Cleveland until I had healed either. It is rare, but in this case the organization has reached Assclown status. I hope your proud.
Malcom Kelly-4/10/08--Hey man, you need to relax bro. We get it, you were pissed. You ran a 4.6 and 4.7 at your pro day after not running at the combine. However, you could have just said you were working your way back from your quad injury. Heck you could have even said you had a parasite. Does anybody notice how nobody EVER has a parasite, until they brick the Senior Bowl (Colt Brennan) or the combine (John Carlson)? Anyway Kelly didn't go this route. He blamed his school, Oklahoma. He said...."This is my life. You know what I’m saying? This ain’t no school. This ain’t no classroom. This ain’t got nothing to do with that". Now I am no genius, but I would probably be more upset about the fact that I went to college for 4 years and still use a double negative in every sentence. Hey, but thats just me! MK, shut up! You are an ASSCLOWN!!
Brett Favre-4/8/08- Dude...seriously...just retire. At some point the rest of the world is going to catch on to the fact that you don't care so much about football as you do having your highlights played on TV. If you cared, you would have played this year on a team that would be favored to win the NFC. Instead, you retired, you cried, and now you do an interview and say if Aaron Rodgers goes down, well then maybe you could be enticed to play. That is a bunch of crap. You can't have it both ways Brett. Either your "done", "exhausted" and you are retired, or else you are just cheating your teammates by trying to pull a Roger Clemens. You want to come in and save them, huh. How about just going through camp and taking your shot at one last Superbowl. Personally, if I see one more coming back I will puke...didn't you complain last week that the media "won't let you retire". Then you do an interview like this...I, for one, am over it, ASSCLOWN!!!!
4/4/08--Chris Henry
Enough Said! Nice Mugshot! I hope you enjoy your indefinite suspension jerkoff . I can't figure out who is the bigger Assclown, Henry for getting arrested again, or Chad Johnson going on the radio and criticizing the Bengals for releasing him. They should rename the team Carson Palmer and the ASSCLOWNS!!
04/02/08 Brian Williams-- Well, in a way this is a little old, but the story is just coming to light. Because after two years of deliberating, Brian Williams plea agreement was overturned and he was granted a new trial, details about his DUI arrest in Jacksonville are coming out. I guess if you gotta go out, go out strong right buddy. First, he makes several racially charged statements to the cop, including calling him a "honky". I am guessing, but I bet Jacksonville cops don't like that. Next, he offers the cop sexual relations with his date if he is allowed to walk away. Now that is how you treat a woman. Finally, when the officer asks if he would like the lady to be left in charge of his Bently, he responds with' "I ain't letting that ho take my Bently." I am gonna guess that he didn't see a future in that relationship. Drunk or not, B Will, a night like this makes you a giant freaking ASSCLOWN!! Nice work!
04/01/2008 Michael Steffes--- Well I must say that I pulled my little trickery off smoother than a Seneca Wallace double reverse, flea flicker touchdown pass! However, in the name of my entertainment, I was supposedly responsible for hearts stopping, hearts skipping beats, people almost passing out, raised blood pressure,people calling friends, and one perfectly good cup of morning coffee. Some of you were too smart for my ruse (Teezer) and I some will no longer consider me a credible source(lighten up!). However, no one can argue that I know my readers, and I certainly knew the proper story to fake!!! On your suggestion STTBM, I am the ASSCLOWN!!! but I am a smiling ASSCLOWN for sure!!
3/29/2008 Jerramy Stevens......All time classic ass clown
Do I even need to say anything here? I think the picture says plenty. If you're not sure so ask his neighbors. How is the only guy in Seahwks history to score a Superbowl Touchdown? ASSCLOWN!
3/23/08 Brandon Marshall- Well if you haven't heard, Brandon Marshall, who is quickly approaching elite WR status in the NFL, had an elite mishap yesterday. He did some major damage to his arm. How did he do this? Well if you believe Brandon, he slipped on a McDonalds bag that was laying on the floor in his living room and proceed to brace his fall by sticking his arm through his TV screen/entertainment center. You gotta be kidding me, B. You are an NFL wide receiver. You can go up in between several large men, catch a ball, then come down with it and fight for yards. But you can't avoid a Mcdonalds bag in your living room. What the hell was it doing there anyway? That is how you impress the ladies, player. GET A MAID! To me, this sounds a bit too similar to when Brian Greise tripped and fell over his dog and then down the stairs. Maybe Shanahan's liberal use of the lie detector machine will get to the bottom of this. In the meantime, maybe you should have waited until you sobered up to make up your story.....ASSCLOWN!
3/18/2008 Reverend Al Sharpton-- Al...big man... normally I got your back, but this is crazy even for you. Al Sharpton wants the NFL to cancel the Hall of Fame Game in Canton OH, which opens up the pre-season. Why you ask? Well apparently there have been some problems with the Canton Police. Did I miss something here? Isn't this just another outdated mid western crap town (i mean that with the utmost respect to mid westerners). Who Cares!!!!! What the holy hell does that have to do with football Al? Only wanting the game to be canceled wouldn't land him here on its own, it was what he said that mostly got him on this site, he threatened to ....
"publish the contact information for Roger Goodell, Gene Upshaw, Troy Vincent and every African-American player in the NFL and ask that our brothers and sisters around the world call, fax and bombard these men with the simple request that the NFL hold the city of Canton to the same standard that it held Adam 'Pacman' Jones, Chris Henry Terry 'Tank' Johnson and Michael Vick too."Al you crazy bastard! How does punishing criminals who are employees of your company have anything to do a local police department in Ohio? And calling all the players, well I am sure they are going to freaking love that....YOU ASSCLOWN!!!
3/14/2008--Marshall Faulk-You know what Marshall, I eat, live, and breathe football, and because of that I subject myself to NFLN Total Access, even when you are on it. But you know what, you are terrible. You suck at your job. When was the last time you gave any insight that I couldn't have heard from a six year old Raider fan? They aren't the brightest bunch. Maybe you have taken to many hits. You should simply feel proud that you aren't destroying your legacy like Emmit. Personally, it seems as if Matt Hasselbeck can't stand you. It is funny to watch because not only is Hasselbeck a top flight quarterback but he is twice as good at your job as you, and he knows how to get subtly under your skin. Hass can't stand you and neither can I, Marshall, you are a giant freaking ASSCLOWN!
3/08/2008--Pacman Jones-- Oh Boy! Here is a class act. And what a week he has had. In attempt to reinstated into the NFL, Pacman has been on a media blitz. Earlier in the week on a radio program the suggested he go to bowling alleys instead of strip clubs. His response was that he almost got stabbed in a bowling alley, in Tennessee. Ok. Well how can Pacman possibly avoid future trouble then? Well, at least if you make it rain and someone gets shot, make sure its not in public, that is his strategy. "Sometimes I make some bad decisions, it is not always that trouble seems to find me. I am learning how to adjust to it and I am bettering myself as a person. I'm moving on and learning what I need to do to take care of myself and my family..." Fair enough, so what are you doing Pacman? ..."I've got a stripper's pole in my house now." What!?!?!?!. Have you ever heard a dumber statement? Pacman, are you trying to get banned for life? Make it rain, Assclown, make it rain.
3/6/2008--Al Davis--Ok, this situation has gone from the ridiculous to completely demonic. Not only is Mr. Davis still wearing creepy jumpsuits, but currently he is in a 2 million dollar standoff with first coach in the last 5 years who did a decent job. So who cares if isn't on speaking terms with the coach? Well it would be one thing if 2 mil meant anything, but you just handed out about 50 million in guaranteed money to Tommy Kelley, Gabril Wilson and Javon Walker. Fantastic, only two of those signings actually made people throw up in their mouths. It only gets weirder though, the Raiders Organization actually released incorrect info about Walker's deal. Walker, who possibly needs microfracture surgery, got 16 mil guaranteed. The Raiders told everyone it was more like a 6 million dollar, 1 yr show me deal. Except for the fact that they gave him and 11 million dollar signing bonus and 5 more in bonuses in year two. Nice math old timer, he'll get at least 20 before you can get rid of him! Great precedent!! I am sure he felt good that you lied about how much he was worth. AL Davis, you sir are an Assclown!
3/3/2008--Mike Nolan-- Mike Nolan was quoted on Sirius NFL Radio this weekend as saying "If you system doesn't fit a great player, than you have the wrong system" It is insight like that Mike, that forced the owners to take away your personal powers. You just had to find some way to spend their money, didn't you. Just because you have a man crush on someone, does not mean he will be good for your team. You just gave Justin Smith 10 million guaranteed for each sack he had last year. How many free agent busts have come from trying to make players fit into a totally different system. Also, considering that you are betting your job on Mike Martz, I bet the Yorks are wondering why they didn't take away coach hiring privileges too. Nice suit, ASSCLOWN!
2/29/2008--Josh Brown-- Bang up job, Josh. You whined and moaned and demanded that you be the highest paid kicker in the league, despite the fact that you weren't the best kicker in the league. Well, you were a fan favorite and an integral part of the team, so in the midnight hour the Hawks offer you the deal you want. Your response.....Screw You!!!, I am signing with the Rams. They won a total of 3 games, but that doesn't matter cause I want a team with a crappy coach, crappy coverage teams, a bleak future, all for a few extra buck. YOU ASSCLOWN!!!!!
